Sprinting in the Dark: Your Iowa Caucus Preview Pt. II

Welcome back.

This is the second and final article, trying to unravel the mystery that is Iowa voters. If you haven’t read part I and the Google elves have sent you here first. Then, catch up with the first article here. With only five days to go, we’ve examined Newt, Santorum, Bachmann and Huntsman’s chances at victory and today we’ll check out the rest of the group, we’ve grown fond of over the last 194 debates.

Ron Paul:It’s fun to watch voters listen to Ron Paul for the first time. In a 10 minute speech he’ll have them nodding and “amen”ing everything he has to say about cutting the size of government and fiscal restraint during tough times.

Then in the last two minutes he’ll throw the listeners off a political cliff and the whole thing just seems like a cruel prank.

He’s cool with Iran having nukes and wants to scale back national defense so far, that we’ll be defending our borders with Woofle bats and spitballs.

Everyone knows that drawing back defense spending is necessary component for an overall economic solution. But, it’s imperative we remain vigilant against possible threats against our allies like Israel. Especially against malicious nuclear powers, especially against Iran. Anyhow let’s break it down further.

Strengths: Some of the most loyal supporters in American politics and, a ground war in Iowa that currently has him out front in most polls. Can he modify his defense message and “clarify” those connections to radical literature published under his watch?

Weaknesses: Foreign Policy and while his slicing and dicing governments philosophy plays well in a Republican primary, it’s hard to see the guy as electable in a general election, against a President who is going to try to run against the image of a “do nothing” congress”.

Paul's supporters will have to sell Iowa on his foreign policy views

Rick Perry: Man, it seems like a few short months ago, when Texas governor Rick Perry seemed like a sure thing for the Republican nomination President and then he started debating.

“He was for it before, he was against it or….”
“I would cut 3 uhhhh”
“New Hampshire is just the coolest state…Granite state”

Even though he spun the debacle brilliantly and is still a very likable candidate, his poll numbers tumbled and enthusiasm behind the campaign has waned.

Strengths:Dollar, dollar bill y’all. Rick Perry was able to raise loads of cash before his debate meltdowns and has got the money to stay until the end. Away from the podium, Perry comes as advertised and running on his record serves him well.

Weaknesses: His debating ability, his massive loss of momentum and….I can’t think of the third one (Low hanging fruit tastes just as good!)

Memorable Campaign Quote: “Oops”

Mitt Romney:Well, look who decided to show up to the party! Romney, who wasn’t expected to finish in the top 3 in Iowa, rolled in like a cool breeze on Wednesday afternoon, after his poll numbers jumped over the last week. Romney is planning on victory in New Hampshire and rolling that momentum down to South Carolina, then here to FLA. Could he run the table and take Iowa too?

Strengths: Vote frustration. Every candidate has shot to the top of the polls and anointed for victory, only to have excitement over their candidacy fade and fall. Then, like a last resort date to the prom, you’ve got your cousin Mitt Romney. Who is about as exiting Merchant Ivory film from the mid 90′s.

Weaknesses: I’ll bet you a $1000 dollars you can’t think of one of Romney’s weaknesses.

Memorable Campaign Quote: “This is the time to talk about it, we’re running for President”

Will Iowa finally like Mitt Romney?

Conclusion: It’s anybody’s race at this point. Bachmann had a major setback last night, when her campaign chairman defected to the Ron Paul campaign. Still, it’s too muddled to see who is going to pull this off. The candidates have been laid out for you and I’ll make a prediction soon. Keep checking back!